Internal Family Systems

Internal Family Systems is my treatment of choice for people who have long standing behaviour, thought or emotional patterns that have been hard to change. It has been a powerful model for many of the clients I work with, helping them get to know and heal the different parts of themselves that are often behind the ways we feel stuck.

How many times have you said something like, “Well, part of me wants to do this, but another part of me wants to do that.” Often, when we are having difficulties psychologically, it is because two parts of ourselves are in conflict and we can’t resolve it. Or we have a part that is trying to protect us by doing something that originally was helpful but over time has become unhelpful and is causing problems. Maybe we want to eat healthily, but there’s a part of us that keeps reaching for the ice cream at night. One part of us wants to resolve issues with our spouse or our kids in a calm and respectful way, but there’s another part of us that gets really angry and critical toward them. One part wants to be successful in our job or school, but there’s another part that procrastinates and ends up not getting things done.

Internal Family Systems sees it as natural for humans to have these multiple parts. The model also recognizes that, along with these parts, every person, in their core, has a Self that is calm, curious, creative, compassionate, courageous, open. When a person can be Self-led, they are able to respond to life’s ups and downs in a way that feels healthy and consistent with their values. However, many times, because of difficult experiences we’ve been through, parts end up taking on burdens. These burdened parts function to either try to protect us from experiencing anything like that past experience again (Managers), or they carry the pain of the experience (Exiles), or they protect us from those parts that are carrying the pain (Firefighters). While these parts carry their burdens, they often jump in the driver’s seat, obscuring the Self to such an extent that we may not even be aware there is a Self there.

Therapy helps to unburden those parts in a way that is safe, not overwhelming, and respects each part’s positive intent. As parts unburden, they heal and revert back to their healthy, natural role in the inner system. As they unburden, the Self is able to “drive” more, and the person becomes Self-led in their lives.

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